apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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