Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
