I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
