I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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