I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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