We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
