I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
