I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize