Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
