i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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