dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
