Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
