He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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