so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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