I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
