her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
