I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
