lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
