My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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