YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
