her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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