You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
