Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
