haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Still dying that you shit outside
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
