Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize