May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize