Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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