Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
