My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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