On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
