As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
