I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
