Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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