I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
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