Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
