I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
