I'm laying in your front yard are you home
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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