Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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