It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
