Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
