my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
