the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
