She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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