i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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