Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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