rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
