I can tuck mytits in my pants
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
