First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
