just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
