Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
