We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize