She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize