does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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