I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
