Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
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