I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
