Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I smell like Dick and happiness
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
