Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
