why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
