dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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