I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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