I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
