She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
