Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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