if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
