I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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