whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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