i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
