Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
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