And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
