Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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