Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
my liver is dry heaving
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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